Preparing to live in L.A.

So today I visited a Los Angeles orientation centRE I found in New York City. I heard that L.A. residents/friends like Tom Cruise, Katie Holmes (whom I sometimes still call Joey!) and John Travolta were members. In fact, they recommend the Scientology CentRE to all their friends as a prerequisite for attending their pool parties.

So at the L.A. orientation centRE, I learned about Dianetics, Elrond Hubbard, and how to hire a wife to make you look heterosexual to the media. I also learned about the best breast implant doctors, where to go to get my Posh-Spice haircuts, how to wear sunglasses indoors without worrying about not seeing anything, and where to shop for my tiny dog-collection.

(FYI: This is a real photo I took. This place is on the Upper East Side, near the Metropolitan Museum of Art!)