Monday, 15 September 2008

They still exist!

Can you believe it? There are still Indians* in this country. I had no idea! Here’s one:
*Word used to describe all light-brown people, basically!

Sunday, 14 September 2008

I always wondered about that!

Where does everyone go to get their adults? Apparently in Illinois! I always wondered about that.

Once again, American signage nearly convinces me!

The people of rural Indiana and Illinois, just like those of Boulder, Colorado, believe that just by posting nifty signs in public places, they will get the legions to convert to their beliefs. And you know what? They are nearly right!

Right when I entered Indiana, I saw this sign:

Right when I entered Illinois, I saw this one:
No, silly! Indiana is a TOTALLY different place than Illinois. For one thing, Indiana apparently updates its apocalyptic signs more frequently. Renewing your apocalypse signs helps to ensure that you, the sign poster, will probably spend eternity somewhere better.

If you don't rubberneck, you might miss salvation!

I decided to go abroad for graduate school in a faraway place called California – a Mexiclishophone Austrian colony – and am getting there via automobile. I love cross-country trips mostly because I have an excuse to eat peppered beef jerky three times a day. But I am also pleased to see that the American tendency to announce personal beliefs is consistent throughout both blue AND red states!Did you know, for example, that “Jesus is real”? According to the Indianan sign I saw, it’s true. Do they mean “Jesus” the famous-Jesus? The one that God begat with Mary non-sexually? (Could someone please explain that to me, btw?) If so, wasn’t he killed? So wouldn’t they mean “Jesus WAS real?” Ergo, it can’t be that Jesus.

I have to conclude that this present-tense “Jesus” must be really pronounced “Hey-zues” and refers to a Latino area-man. Or else some sort of weather condition coming up from Latin America that no one wants to believe in. Or some local Bigfoot-legend they want people to take seriously.

THE AMERICAN ON THE ROAD: WVA incest

Well, at least they spell it out for you!

This is the first post in a series documenting Alex’s trip across the country…