Tuesday, 25 November 2008

Friday, 21 November 2008

Wednesday, 19 November 2008

WARNING: NOT A POST TO SHARE WITH ALL YOUR KIDS! (Only the ones you look at porn with.)

One of the largest industries out here in LA is the porn industry. I have verified this in the flesh!

This afternoon I went no further than my OWN campus to discover the lecherous under-belly of sexploitation. Who knew that public education could sink so low!?!?!?!What's she doing with that left hand there?
Hey! What's under there?
Hmmm, shaved. Must not be European!
What do you think? Real or fake???!!!
Hey! Watch where you point that thing!
I've seen smaller.
This one never gets speaking parts.
Children should NOT be brought into this!
For those of you who like something to hold on to!

Friday, 14 November 2008

There's nothing inappropriate about this photo...

New York, London, Paris, Westwood... The "Great Four" of store-window displays. Famous in all the circles who care about such things. We UCLA students are lucky to go to school in such a rich cultural environment. When we're ready to put down the books and push our glasses up our noses to go out in the evening, we like to spend some time taking in the cultural richness that surrounds us.

Don't jealous! Yes - it is just like living in Paris here...

Wednesday, 12 November 2008

I am my own 400th viewer!!!


You probably all have noticed that I have a "Hits" counter down on the right of my blog. It took me a year to figure out, and it involved copying "CODE" into some setting thingy.

Anyway, I check the hits counter ALL the time. Every time I check my page, there is at least ONE new viewer! Can you believe it???

Tuesday, 11 November 2008

Los Angeles night life? Count me in!

I write with great news: I went out on a Friday night. I saw celebrities*, prostitutes, and a bar fight!

I know you may be wondering, "but AlextheAmerican, you had TONS of work to do. Don't you have a presentation to give next week on a book you haven't even read? Don't you need to go to the P section of the library?"

Well late-1630s British intellectual history be damned! Dewey Decimal system memorization be damned!

At the first stop, (by the way, arriving at a bar early, before your friends and all the other people do, assures that you get in fast and that you are DEFINITELY the coolest person who already has tasted the whole specialty drink menu of the evening) I was sitting with a group of people from my department in a corner booth. I was the lucky person who sat with my back to the room while everyone else faced towards me.

So apparently while I was sitting there, one of my friends saw a CELEBRITY*. She was cool enough to ask him to pose in a picture with her. Here's the picture:Well the bar was really dark and no one has flashes on their cell-phone cameras. You see, I didn't know this happened until the next day, and then I found out that the celebrity* had been standing right behind me! (And also this isn't the actual picture, but according to my friends it looked something like this.)

Then we went to drop a from-out-of-town-friend-from-college off at her hotel where we decided to stay and check-out/enhance the scene. WOW! It was like the Hills to the skankth power! It was like Lauren Conrad took all her black dresses, ran over them in an Escalade, barfed on them after eating asphalt, and then these girls at the hotel put them on and wore them out Friday night.

As we waited on the burgers we ordered, I swear I saw this celebrity:Actually, I only THINK I saw this guy. No one I was with would actually agree with me that it was him. Also, I did not see his pubic hair! (Until I found this photo. And until then, not since Queer as Folk ended and I finished watching it all on demand in that year I pissed away after college.)

On the way home, I saw prostitutes. It was like, for guys that are into really tall women with even taller heels, very defined cheek-bones, Adam's apples, and extremely bright, short, tight, boobilicious clothing, Hollywood is the PLACE to be! I saw tons of them. All standing in a group. They must have thought that my designated-driver friend and I might be celebrities because they were all looking intently into our windows as we drove by. Like, "hey! who are YOU guys?" Don't you HATE when that happens? Yeah, me too!

I've never seen such tall, glamoUrous women before!!! I only think they might have been "ladies of the night" because of their fishnet stockings and sexy shoes. But that might JUST be judging them based on appearances. And I'm REALLY against doing that! So maybe they were just hot, tall, well-defined-jawlined-chicks!

*First celebrity that I (didn't actually) see in LA: the guy who plays the large-boned man on the Office. The white large-boned man, not the black one.

Monday, 3 November 2008

WAIT A MINUTE... I thought my vote for president counted.

Two numbers:
50,456,002
50,999,897


Which one is higher? I personally am bad at math, but if you look at the third digit in each number, you can see that the 9 is bigger than the 4. So the SECOND number is bigger, right?

50,456,002
50,999,897


Okay so to break the big news to you, the first number is the number of votes George W. Bush got in 2000. The second number is the number of votes that Al Gore got in 2000.

"WAIT A FUCKIN MINUTE, ALEXTHEAMERICAN," you might say. "THIS IS BREAKING NEWS."

In the first presidential election I ever voted in, I cast a ballot for Al Gore. So did 50,999, 896 other Americans. That is over .5 million more than wanted Bush.

I don't get it.

I am one of 36,457,549 residents of California. We're 12% of the population (rounded to the nearest whole integer).
There are 515,004 residents of Wyoming. They're 0% of the population (rounded to the nearest whole integer).

So according to this "electoral college system", California has a 10% say in who becomes president. Wyoming has a .6% say in who becomes president. So basically a Wyoming person is more important than a California person.

Could someone explain this to me?

Saturday, 1 November 2008

You asked for it.....MORE ALEX EXAMINING OF THE ISSUES: Proposition 4 in California

Talk about CRUEL: the people who are advocating Proposition 4 in California convinced this POOR GUY to talk on camera about his harmless night of fertile sex with a few teenage girls and the subsequent abortions (paid for by the commies that are Californian taxpayers!) that they had of his babies without even telling their moms or teachers or priests! They didn't even make him shave off his little mustache before filming! Didn't they know that that would make him look like a molester? Gosh!



My favorite line is, "Okay. So I get a couple of them pregnant. What is the big deal? I can just take her to get an abortion."

Since all of my friends from college are now in, or applying to be in, law school, I'm going to get one of them to represent this poor guy in a law suit. He was unfairly duped.

I know I often present you, my readers, with amazing things that defy your conceptions about this world. Moving to California was totally worth it, if only because I am able to watch this commercial on my television (and also wear t-shirts and shorts well into November).