Imagine my surprise and excitement when I stumbled on my new vocation: I should be a modern-art artist. Modern-art artists can do whatever they want and they get paid for it and are famous.
Example 1: The long, orange stick. It's about an inch wide and six feet long. No, you pervert! It's a painting! It's from 1950. There must have been a canvas and paint shortage in 1950 I guess for this to count as a piece worthy of MOMA, but no matter. It's there! And I could have done it! When I was 4 years old!
Example 2: The plain white canvas. This one is a square and it must have taken the artist a while to decide whether it should be plain white or a little off-white I guess. Anyway, maybe he didn't even paint the canvas! Fuck painting if you can just sell the museum the blank canvas!
Example 3: The bricks on the floor. I learned that if you don't actually paint, and if you don't know how to sculpt, no matter! You can still be an artist. You just make what they call "installations." In this case, the artist piled some bricks on the floor. I guess the difficulty there is finding someone strong enough to carry bricks and low-class enough to know where to find them. I am not sure I could do either, so I give this artist props.
Example 4: The pink think leaning on the wall. This artist painted something a shiny pink color and didn't even bother to hang it. Who cares.
Example 5: The stretched out old t-shirt. I love this one. You just get your brother's sweaty old t-shirt, cut it apart, and thumbtack it on the wall of MOMA. Voilà! Art! I could do this a million times. My brother has TONS of sweaty, old t-shirts.
2 comments:
Alex...didn't any iota of time spent in heavily cultured France teach you anything about Art? (notice I purposefully capitalized the a)
1. The orange stick symbolizes oneness. It is also clearly phallic and an ode to femininity's desires.
2. I believe the artist murdered his lover and then just stopped. Mind-blowing isn't it? He was going to paint a small blue square in the middle.
3. See how they bricks are not staggered, but lay right on top of each other? I have nooooo idea why they do that. This guy obviously has no talent and knows nothing.
4. Well the pink leaning thing is genius...you know pepto-bismal yes? Well? you get it??!! I thought so!
5. Finally, that t-shirt actually is a statement against corporations taking over china and making them make our clothing. Deep, isn't it?
i bow down to you. you did much much more with MoMa than i ever could
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