Wednesday, 25 March 2009

What are all these "students" doing here at college?

It's spring break here on the West Coast--not that we need extra time to go off somewhere to remind ourselves what sunshine is because, well, we have it at all times. So the college campus is just empty of the undergraduates, their Ugg boots, and their school-emblazoned sweatpants. Yep. Just nerdball grad students wandering around aimlessly, sometimes walking to libraries with rolling-suitcases full of books, sometimes checking boxes for returned papers which were handed in days ago, occasionally checking in with the secretary of their departments to see if they have refilled the baskets on their counters with fresh candy or something.

Anyway, just a week of sunshine and relaxation--you know: printing out 300-pages of readings for next week on free school printers, buying textbooks, alphabetizing personal libraries, studying for language exams. This is why I was completely shocked by the presence of about 100 students lying on the grassy lawn in the middle of campus.

"Students." You know: thirty-year-olds who wear backpacks, don't tuck in their button-down shirts beneath their argyle sweaters, have separate, brand new bag-lettes for their laptops and have really nicely-groomed hair?

As I examined this group of people, I realized something was a little...off. No one was picking at zits (because no one had any), bags and clothes seemed a little too new to belong to people living in dorms, people were a little too attractive to be anything resembling an adolescent. No one was reading anything.

And then I saw it: a movie camera on a moving thingy. These people were NOT students. These were ACTORS!!!


So on some 2nd rate network television sitcom in the near future, there will be an episode taking place in "college." There will be "students" like those described above.

But maybe somewhere in the background, wearing large smudged actually-prescription glasses, bearing an oversized bookback filled with actual "books," with a slight rash on her forehead from stress and eating too many of the secretary's chocolates, you will see me.

I hope I'm in the credits!

Sunday, 22 March 2009

How to speak Cowboy.

You know how in some places they have bumpy letters under the American ones? Or Mexican under the American words? Well in Denver, they have Cowboy hieroglyphs. Does this mean that somewhere out there, in schools on the frontier, they still speak in cowboy?See? From this sign, I can start to piece together a dialect:

Apparently Cowboy does not have a word for "6". Cowboys can only count to 5. This makes sense.