Friday, 13 November 2009

I am so proud.

Obama received the Nobel Imperialist Prize recently, much to the surprise of the hippie, commie, Muslim, bleeding heart, unwed-mothers who elected him.

I, on the other hand, am so proud that I could almost go buy a new Amer'can flag today, but I've bought them all. Venice, unfortunately, has only a limited supply and likes to reserve them for the homeless vets who like to decorate their wheelchairs with them.

Here's why: Obama accepted his Imperialist Prize on behalf of us, after all. And by "us," I mean those of us proud Americans who believe that our nebulous belief in "liberty" and "freedom" should stand in for ALL BELIEF SYSTEMS around the world. Some call it "American;" I and Obama consider them to be default. As he stated in his acceptance speech: "I do not view it as a recognition of my own accomplishments, rather as an affirmation of American leadership on behalf of aspirations held by people in all nations." That is right. American leadership represents the "aspirations" of people in ALL NATIONS. EVERYONE is secretly Amer'can. I knew it all along.

Obama, like any good conservative ahistorically-minded oppressor, also gives a shoutout to the Founding Slaveowners, stating that his prize "reflects the kind of world that those men and women and all Americans want to build, a world that gives life to the [white-man only] promise of our founding documents." In other words, again, Amer'cans are building the world. And the world hasn't been built yet. And this future world, constructed by Amer'cans, is based on the founding documents - cause they were so good. (And hopefully we bring back the 3/5 clause too.)

King (may I?) Obama also informed us that many Amer'can soldiers (see yesterday's post) sacrifice their own "safety and freedom and ... lives" so that others can benefit from our ruling powers. Obama concluded by saying:
That has always been the cause of America. That's why the world has always looked to America. And that's why I believe America will continue to lead.

I am so proud. I am an American who believes in safety and freedom, no matter how unsafe that makes others and regardless of whether or not "freedom" ever gets defined!

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