Friday, 1 January 2010

2010: Another great decade begins for America!

If you want to start your new year right, ditch the ol' Resolution list and head straight to the theaters to see Avatar. Immediately. (If you haven't already.)

Here are 5 reasons why you, as an American, will be proud of this film:

1. It was made by an American. A GREAT American. One who realizes the important role Americans play in world-domination. (See minute 2:56).
2. Americans discover yet another land! That's right! It's a planet this time, and it gets named "Pandora." It's filled with long-haired, less-clad natives with agile bodies and different-colored skins (see movie still below). They conveniently already speak English in funny accents, just like real non-Americans do! They speak in secret code (aka non-English) when they don't want the Americans to understand. (Apparently they haven't heard about sub-titles yet!)


3. An AMERICAN marine - well, half a marine really, that is until he can fulfill his mission and get his legs back from the sarge' like promised - is sent into the bush to find out inside information so that the Americans can better exploit native resources. He is given an "Avatar" via MRI-coffin machine. His avatar has legs and therefore is able to actually do things (unlike the Marine himself apparently).
4. Said AMERICAN's covert intel was so good that it means the natives and their ancestral homes will definitely be terminated! Because their natural resources are worth genocide!
5. So THUS, the AMERICAN is the natives' LAST HOPE!!! You might call it ironic, I call it "perfect." Only the American can repair the damage he himself caused! Just like in real life! And then he can congratulate himself on a job well-ish done!


LOVE IT ALREADY? ME TOO! I hope it wins every Oscar, just like Titanic did. Cause we all remember how great THAT movie was, right?

5 comments:

peter lauer said...

i love you, even if you don't love me

Amy Wong said...

haha I blogged on Avatar too. I'm going to link to your analysis on your blog

js said...

avatar rules, point missing self loathing academic indoctrinates drool

John Daniel said...

I really adore this movie as well. I don't know if you noticed but there are some interesting images portrayed. A couple of which being the scene at the end where Neytiri is holding Jake mirrors Michelangelo's virgin mary and the horse running away on fire matches a biblical description of the death and hell.

ashoka said...

seriously. you can't just enjoy flashing lights and shit.

the 'didn't like avatar' club is not a good one to be in fyi.